suddenly got the feeling of aimless life.
im simply living my life aimlessly.
where is the usual me mingling around with people?
i seriously think that i dont have friends.
even close ones. how sad?
im always going out alone, roaming aimlessly.
why must it be in this way?
my introvert personality? im trying to be an extrovert.
but i still find myself trying HARD to be one.
sometimes i really think that am i really that bad?
or maybe its my self-esteem that is low?
god.. to think that i cant even be like other,
approaching a girl like normal? i can only mingle and talk
with friends of the opposite gender when i know them quite well.
other than that, i find it hard to open a topic.
even with same gender, i still find it hard. cos i dont know whats the
person's personality? even if im able, i tend to offend alot of people.
thats what i guess.

for what happen this morning, im really really disturbed by it.
put it a way. you find the person, is one of your good friend. or put it a way that
he is a friend that you can get along well. to the extend that you will share
problems etc with each other, shooting and suan-ing each other.
and because of a small incident, you flared up.
for what happen was, me and my camp "best" buddy.
as from above, we share problems and etc etc.
be it own personal problems or army problem.
we are sort of can get along. as in we do go out and chill as mentioned in
some of my posts. and i even digged my pocket to help him catch something
that he wanted to get from someone. whom i believe suppose to be important
to him, and might be his happiness.
and because of one incident, he flared up.
the incident was me using a torchlight, shining on him.
he wasnt on duty at that moment, and he just came down to help out.
so, for people who knows me well, should know that im always being cheeky
by doing such things.
and yet, he got up and shouted at my face, pushed me.
you know how shocking can that be?
a freaking shining torchlight on to you and you fucking pushed me. mind me with the F word.
its really beyond description of feelings. its just a fucking torchlight.
not that i cursed you that your whole family die or wad. its just a fucking t-o-r-c-h-l-i-g-h-t.
i torlerated. i just want to get things clear.
even if its early in the morning, and human tends to become hostile,
but thats not the way. you might be moody or so-called emo.
thats not the way to get things done. seriously.
i have been keeping things to myself alot. people knows. im a kind of person who
keeps everything to myself. i dont share out. even if im moody or emo, i wont go
to the extend by showing g-a-n-g-s-t-e-r-i-s-m act. im fugging disappointed by that
action. seriously. i regretted being a nice and good person. im always at the losing end. always being pushed around. who can i go to? no one but myself. you have your "GF" and your "meimei" to go to. i dont and i dont show such hostile acts. im
terribly disappointed.

its really a time for me to change of wad i used to be.
nevertheless, it will be a lesson for me, to see humanity in life.
human are cruel. its either you being cruel to them, or them being cruel to you.

some pictures from the cohesion on wednesday. kbox session. i believe thats my last time attending such events. i had enough.

P.S i will be a changed person.

P.S.S i know no one reads. its just for me to vent whatever stuffs here.