W I L S O N

Monday, March 10, 2008 , 1:23 am

Freedom of speech?

in review of the tag and the blog entry written by my sis.

well. after reading everything. okay. whatever it is. my fault ok. yes. i understand. mum and dad uses the word FUCK on everyone. but, not to your own family right? and that anyone in my previous entry was pointing to anyone in the family. i didnt even said any vulgarities i've known or put it a way that i had used it before to others but NEVER to my own family. well, it speaks through YOUR mind that you wanna say that im USELESS and what-so-ever. well, i really dont wanna say anything more. you doesnt know what im thinking and what-so-ever. when i kept quiet or anything, you'll say im attitude and giving fucking attitude. the days i had in school and everything, i just dun wanna say it out to worry everyone and i know that i will be suffering. but i just kept to myself and don wanna say it out. stopping my tears from rolling everynight thinking of what have i done that people is always doing all those stuffs on me. humilations? jokes? emotional? maybe is becos in my previous life, i have been laughing at people and in this life people are doing it to repay me. what i really wan was to be happy person. you are always saying me that i goes to work, is as if i dont want to work. working is never easy. i dont think you tried doing it as you are always finding office work. standing for nearly 10 hours, talking non stop. pursuading people to buy from you. and i know my colleagues knows. i never slack or even take a sit even if i feel the pain on my very injured leg. i still pull through. the sufferings at work, scolding from the in-charge, talking from the boss. i never tell anyone except my colleagues. i just wan to be a normal person. and not a star like what you always assumed. singing is just my way of relieving stress, and my everything. you said you suffered when you were young. if you suffered, you will be damn damn skinny like how other people suffered. putting yourself in other's shoe? ha. well, i know im not a very useful person. but i do, have feelings. is not that i really"hate" you. just a way for me, myself to relieve stress. im always telling people, who are always thinking that cutting themselves or even having attempt to suicide are stupid. and will try my very best to help them. but for me, recently, i kept having the thots of being dead will be better off. nobody will actually care if im really gone from this world. i really wished. but i know, suicide is definetely stupid way. in fact, im praying, to god. that please, send me someone, who can take my life away. be it sickness, accident or being robbed and murdered. im just plain, tired of living. passing on will be a better idea of my happiness. im always wanting people to happy. so i hope, and i think, if, put it a big IF. one day im gone or any mishap happening to me, no one will be sad or anything. im just a normal someone, who disappear and will do good for the better of the earth. people who wants to read what she wrote, lemme post it here. i dont want to disclose her blog. oh yes. one last thing, thats what i want to let everyone know. I, Wilson Au, dying to go to any polytechnics to study is purely becos of studies, and not like wad you always trying to say was to defer from army or what-so-ever.

I'm not afraid of people to write something bad about me in his/her blog! And the above is my bro's blog. And yes.... he wrote something very hurtful and incorrigble stuff about me in his most recent post.I don't care! In real terms, I don't give it a damn.But I must say something rightful on my side. I hate defamation!Sometimes... I do hope that I will not have to meddle in other people's life.... but as a sister, I have to. (Which people may not understand)Imagine, you know something is strange going.... the whole family don't know and happen that you are the only one who is observant to know what's going on. Hints given, warnings given, nothing was to be changed. At this point of time, who will be the angry one? Do you think that I'm that free to bother with other people stuff? I got my own life too. But if suay suay something BAD happen, who's gonna to cover your backside? Yourself? family? or the last resort ME? I hate to be to the only 'decisor' in the family. Yes! I hate to do thing in a disorderly manner or even without a main structure. I hate things to be done in a draggy manner. I hate hypocrites. I hate to hide my true feelings.I do understand that people may grow old and will have their own thinking. I was once young before. But not everyone will have the same degree of mentality at that point of time.Can you imagine someone who has to work next day, talks on the phone throughout the night? Using the PC the whole day & night.... estimated starts at 10pm till next morning 4am? that is 6 whole hrs? Given that telephone bills, internet bills, electricity bills not being paid by the person using. This is not the main issue. And this person gotta have someone to wake him up for work. Not calling once or twice but all those screamings in the morning..... (how will other people who are still lazing in bed for that damn 5 mins feel?) NO PEACE.Thats not all! How about naggings? Naggings about the bills? Who got the F***ing l $ to pay all those bills?Yes... you may say you are a grown up (well at least still under 21). You need not to bother about the billing issues. Someone gotta pay for your expenses.... your hp bills even it shot up to a hundred dollars. Bless yourself!When I was at your age, who pays for me? Even my PC all all those bills, I PAY FOR MYSELF! I don't claim for what I spent on my studies. Do you have the same mindset, mentality, and attitude as me? If you don't have, don't say that you have grown up!I'm not lamenting that I led a bad life (tho' my life is real bitter). But I guess wouldn't it be better if there's an invention to read people's mind?Some words even bring said out, the other party may misread or ignore what you are trying to say. Even you have said it explicitly, the chinese so called zhong yan ni er.Sometimes in life, we are not trying to show off that we are blah blah blah clever, intelligent, expert. We just want to let you know that you are actually subconsciously overestimating yourself.Who will have tons of $ to spend, to splurge without working for it? you won't feel the heart pinch if you are not using your $ to pay for all these stuff which you are not using. Example, paying for a LV bag that you will not be the one using.What's more? DS lite? over $300 ... who said to pay half? Did I ask the $ back? Printer.... over $100.... who say needs it for studies? who said to pay half again? Did I ask the $ back? Internet sign on plan.... over $50 per month... who used the internet most? Who said to pay half again and again? Did I ask $ from YOU? Who got the 1st usage of IPOD touch? Who did not taken proper care of the IPOD and caused alot of srcatches? Who accompany you to buy your Prom jacket and paid for you in advance? Who accompany you to buy your xmas shirt? who always help to keep your secrets? who rushes down from work just to accompany you to choose your course to study?Think through thoroughly!I'm not defending myself but to reply to this entry:

Refer to my entry.
4th march 2008.

1st & 2nd paragraph:
Reply: You hate me? Well... I can only say I don't hate you. What's the definition of HATE? I guess I wouldn't use the word HATE on my family members.
hate –verb (used with object)1.to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.2.to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility. –noun[Origin: bef. 900; ME hat(i)en, OE hatian (v.); c. D haten, ON hata, Goth hatan, G hassen]
3rd paragraph:
Reply: If you don't want me to poke my nose into your life, then be it. I guess these few days you will notice that I DON'T BOTHER to even talk to you. When time comes, you will realise how much you want a person to POKE their noses into your life. Cos right now, I don't have anyone even my parents.... cos I appeared to be independent and so they thought even I'm out whole night, I must be doing something decent. Hate me again? Be it! My face and attitude irks you? Well... I guess it's your fate.... cos right from the day you are born you gotta face me. Yes... I'm older and is your sister... ride over your head? I guess you used the wrong description. That's the description if you were saying that someone younger rides over the older's head. 19? able to make decisions on your own? Well even I'm 26 this year, and your parents who are going to be in their 50s couldn't make their own decisions, never to say you are just 19. So who is the one who accompany to MDIS to make payment and to give suggestions on what course you are taking. Forgotten? Well... fine! Talking on phone and using PC is fine... but long hours.... and disturbance in other people's sleep? You will never know the torment when other members in the family complains and nag about you and I'm the only one who listens to these on YOUR behalf! Hate me.... pain in the ass.... you never know that you are the pain in other people's ass. Saying the FUCK word. I have repeated what I said without the F word, yet you are ignoring what I have said. Who on earth won't use the word FUCK when you are already so sleepy in the freaking 4am and people kept ignoring your words. And I never use the word FUCK unleass I'm seriously , terribly angry! And bad memory for you! MUM & DAD used the work FUCK on the 'anyone' which you have stated in the entry! And I presumed that you have used that word on 'anyone' too! AS for the fact you have mentioned in your last sentence.... sorry, I don't admit that it is a fact. It's just your assumption.
Last paragraph:
Reply: Both our attitude are wrong! And you are not the only one who got scoldings. Cos when I got it, you are not at home and I was discriminated and despised by our own parents for what I have said and done. Do you know it? NO! Did I say it out? NO! Do I care for it? NO! ANd yes, you don't use the same word back at me, cos if you used the same word, I would have something to defend myself. Did you talked nicely? When I asked you things, who is the one who shouted back at me in an impolite tone? Saying about sick of living.... who will be the one who is really sick of living?
From young, I suffered the most, especially when dad is sick. I gotta take care of the family when dad is in hospital cos i know Mum is unable to hold the family alone. I tell myself to be firm and independent. I must thanks all gods in the universal and people who rendered me in terms of help and force. As a girl, do you think I'm able to endure these throughout my life? No? But I walked through. Sometimes, I really wondered if I'm a girl.
Life gets better when I stepped out in the society to work. I have no regrets as I have fulfilled my parents' wishes to complete my tertiary education. And with determination, I made it to wear the graduation gown and motar board. At least wo dui de qi da jia. As I'm working now, I gotta pay back the Uni fees to Mum and of course the monthly household allowance. I gotta pay for my own bills. I'm glad for myself to be an independent individual but at the same time, I'm hate myself to be too independent. Contradicting? This is FATE.
If I were to leave this family, will it still be a family? If you think you are a grown up, will you be able to hold it firm

i always thot that my blog was my wonderland where i can actually destress myself. well i guessed it all wrong. ha. and i knew ever-since that GUEST appeared. i should have seen it coming. well, wishing and hoping for my time to be up though theres lots of stuff i have never done before. maybe, let me know before hand on when my times gonna be up.